Such a sad and poignant letter from Dot today.
She would rather have had this heart-to-heart with Dart in person, but time is passing, with no indication of when they might have the chance for a long, serious face-to-face talk, so she feels she needs to write this now.
Posing the question, “Why do you love me?” she assures him that she is not fishing for complements, but rather, trying desperately to understand what he sees in her.
“When I think of why I love you, I realize you couldn’t love me for the same reason because I don’t possess the same qualities you do. You’re ambitious and intelligent. You have such a keen sense of humor, and at the same time such downright straight-forward thinking. You seem to know right from wrong in every case and have such strong will power to follow your own convictions. Besides all of these qualities, you’re kind, very courteous and just an all around swell guy. And just for good measure, let’s throw in the fact that you’re tall, dark and handsome.”
But, she muses, none of that explains what he sees in her. She’s nearly 19 and has accomplished nearly nothing in her life. He writes that she’s “charming” and “lovely,” but she’s too much of a Tom-boy to be either. She knows right from wrong, but doesn’t “do much about it.” She has big ideas, but rarely follows them through because she gets so easily discouraged. She believes she’s unworthy of his love and doesn’t want him saddling himself with a girl as obviously inferior as she is.
We’ve seen this low self image reflected a lot in her letters, but it’s painful to read it expressed so emphatically. Where does it come from? Partly, I think it stems from living in a family that are big on teasing, and, although she seems to be a good sport, sometimes that teasing must cut a little, especially when it comes from her beloved father. She also mentions Mr. Hibschman from Andrews School, whom she has always claimed didn’t like her much. For all we know, he may have been an arrogant, judgemental son of a gun, but his disapproval of Dot stings even now that she has graduated and left the campus. The character that people admire so much in her – her easy way with children, her hard work, her friendly and positive nature – are traits she either doesn’t recognize or doesn’t value.
Dart on the other hand, who himself is sometimes prone to moodiness and seeing things on the dark side, sees in Dot a breath of fresh air, a spark of light and joy that cannot be squelched. He values her honesty – not just in the fact that she tells the truth, but that she couldn’t obfuscate or be phony if you paid her. He knows that her natural, unadorned prettiness on the outside reflects her inner naturalness and goodness. With Dot, what you see is what you get, and he likes everything he sees in her.
She was thrilled to get three letters from Dart today after a two- week drought. She loves his drawings for the house, but she agrees that he’ll have to find a way to increase the size of the kitchen. Her father still doesn’t believe the house can be built for under $12,000, but admits he doesn’t know much about costs outside of the greater New York City area. To do her part toward building the house, she intends to buy a war savings bond. She explains that she’ll put it into his name, and if he ends up marrying someone else, he can consider it a wedding present from her. The she adds, “Dot, how can you talk of such things so lightly?”
It’s off to bed for her now, as she wishes her “scullery maid” goodnight, with a warning that he must not get dish pan hands.
With Dart’s gift for addressing serious subjects with a poetic, gentle touch, I’m eager to read his response to this letter.
