Dart is livid! With himself. He goes on for two pages in a such a self-loathing manner that it’s difficult to read. He cannot believe he was so thoughtless and childish as to bring up the subject of a December wedding. (Actually, I think it was Dot who proposed that they reconsider that option.) Some samples of his wording follow: “It amazes me how d— stupid I can be.” “I rant about people who upset you and then I proceed to do things more foolish by far.” “We weren’t happy about our decision (for a later wedding), but then I proceeded to pour oil on the flaming passion and got myself (us?) burned.” “I should be drawn and quartered for the things I’ve said and done to foul up harmony, here at home and between you and me.”
That’s the crux of the entire 12-page letter. He must have really upset his parents with his talk about a December wedding, because I’ve seen no evidence that he’s upset Dot with the topic.
It is impossible to pull off a winter wedding. That would take money that he simply doesn’t have. Even if they lodge at the Chamberlain home during the wedding festivities, there’s the matter of train fare for four people going east, and five returning. He still hasn’t found a job, and when he does, he will have limited hours to work, so he won’t earn much. He says he caught “hail Columbia” from his father for even suggesting that there would be no “ship” coming in before a June wedding, either.
There are things discussed tonight that he’d like to talk with Dot about, but he cannot write them. If he’s not careful, he fears he’ll become as negative and disillusioned as Fred.
At last he throws more light on what’s making him so angry. He’s mad that he can’t seem to react to disappointment like an adult. He’s disgusted that he’s unable to make a decision and stick with it. He’s scared by the huge job he’s taking on in becoming a husband; no matter how much he wants it, he doubts his ability to handle it well. “I’m every bit the dreamer that Pop is. All I can do is theorize, and I’m lousy at that.”
For good measure, he adds, “I’ve just formed a mutual contempt society with that jerk who just thumbed his nose at me out of the mirror.”
YIKES! Enough!
He launches into one of his psychology-based musings about the pros and cons of marrying early in life vs late. He posits that since he and Dot are both extremely immature, most folks would argue that they should wait to marry. (I would argue that being naive and inexperienced are not synonymous with being immature.) But, he finds that the most important thing about being fit for marriage is that the couple is determined that their marriage will work, no ifs, buts, or maybes.
He argues both sides for the next few pages, coming to the final conclusion that, although they are immature, the only way to mature into a marriage is to be married. “Marriage will not ‘cure’ us of anything. It seldom changes anyone’s habits of reacting to things, but it is a fulfillment of our greatest urges; to live together, to share our thoughts, and our meals and our shelter; our bed and our bodies, to say nothing of loving-kindness and affection.”
To belabor the point, he discusses the pitfalls of marrying late in life. Both his parents and Homer’s are older. They are tired and would love to retire. But their sons are too young to step up and support them. If they had married younger and had children younger, they would now have children ready to step up and help them. He heartily disapproves of late marriages! (Golly, having married early and having children relatively young, I sure hope Mom and Dad weren’t disappointed when we all failed to support them in their golden years!)
Finally, he moves somewhat off this topic. He comments on Dot’s budget of $210 per month after they are married. As his folks pointed out, it doesn’t matter how rosy the financial picture is after the wedding – what matters is that there’s no way no to get to the wedding.
He wonders if their ceremony will require men to wear suits, tuxedos or tails. All of that needs to be factored into the financial equation.
He talks about the wall of pride that his family has built around themselves. It has had a crippling effect on Dart, Sr. to the point that he won’t go to the door or answer the phone during the day lest anyone find out that he’s home during working hours. It is his pride that makes him so easily hurt by nearly anything Dart says to him.
Both his parents are sure that something will happen to enable them to go to Greenwich in June. All Dart knows is that if he has to quit school, get a job, knock them out and ship them to Greenwich by freight, they will be at that wedding!
So, it is with great regret that he announces his decision that the wedding will take place in June. He assures her that 7 or 8 months isn’t that long – why, he’s been out of the Navy for over 8 months. How he regrets that they are not already married, because he spends as much time “with” her now (by choice) as he would if they were husband and wife. He also regrets the eternity of Nov., Dec., Jan., Feb., Mar., Apr., May, and part of June until THE day.
He deems 12 pages “enough” and signs off to sleep.
# # #
Dot wonders if Dart has found a job yet, and if so, what kind of job it is. She tells him that she’ll be sending him a check tomorrow for the cost of the photo prints he sent, plus the balance of their penny jar.
She likes his idea of creating an enlargement of Sunapee for her father for Christmas, but suggests a different one from the roll of negatives. The one Dart had suggested is very similar to a framed picture he already has.
No, she’s never been to the Cleveland public library, but she’s heard his father talk about it almost reverently.
The last part of his Friday letter sounded very much like the one she wrote him a couple of days later. She’s mighty glad they feel the same way about each other.
Last night she dreamed that he came to visit her – and he arrived in a covered wagon! Regardless of his mode of transport, it was great to see him!
No letters tomorrow, but both writers return on the 31st.