Dart writes what he claims is a very difficult response to a discouraged letter he got from Dot today. From his answer, I think we can pick up the gist of her letter.
How he wishes he didn’t act so smart all the time. Dot is the only one who listens to him, so he tends to over do his thinking and his writing to her. He spews off in a tangent, and she ends up feeling unworthy, or somehow lacking in the appropriate level of intellect. She has expressed misgivings about not going back to college; perhaps she fears he’ll out distance her and become bored.
He believes if she were still at Kent and could see him more often, two things would happen. First, she wouldn’t have this inflated image of his virtues that are the result of having just his letters and her memories to cling to. (The real Dart’s warts would be more easily seen.) Second, she would see that he struggles with his classes. There’s not much that comes easily to him about his class work.
He tells her that if she truly has regrets about not return to college, the best thing she can do is to express those feelings. He believes if she holds them in, they become magnified. If she feels intellectually inferior, he suggest she read more, starting with books about subjects that interest her instead of someone else’s idea of worthwhile books. I squirmed a little when he suggested that magazines were more her style. Maybe she could read about decorating a home, or about rearing children – something she might find interesting. Had she ever thought of checking with the library? Man, that sounds patronizing and condescending to me, but I suspect if Dot felt the same we, she quickly forgave his oafishness.
I kept expecting, as I read this lecture, that he would assure her that she could indeed go back and finish college. Maybe there would be a discussion about waiting until he was finished so that he could go to work and support them. Perhaps he’d suggest that after children, she could complete her degree. But he brought up no such idea. I suppose that in 1947, women with college degrees were such anomalies that he never gave her education much thought. Still, it would have been nice if he’d assured her of that possibility if she ever wanted it.
Dot came from a family that valued education. Her mother, a graduate of Wellesley, was a bit of an intellectual snob. It’s no wonder that Dot felt self-conscious about her intellect. She was too young and too modest to recognize her own innate wisdom or value her vast practical knowledge.
Dart admits that three years of college has not made him feel any better prepared to build a career or support a wife than he ever was. He hopes he’s wrong.
But this interminable letter is just getting started. He goes on for pages more about how foolish she is to fear that they are not perfectly matched, because nobody is perfectly matched! He writes as though she is a naive child with such silly notions as he rambles on about the necessary disillusionment that comes in the early months of marriage as the couple gets to know each others flaws so well. He also rambles about that being natural and expected, but how most couples weather it and grow closer in their more complete knowledge of each other. Oh, Dart, please put a sock in it!
The icing on the cake is when he gives her what amounts to a class assignment when he offers ideas on how she should respond to his letters. If she agrees with the points he raises, tell him why she agrees, and expand on his thoughts. If she disagrees, speak up and say so. Explain why, and offer counterpoints of her own. Sigh! I’ve never been so happy to see 12 pages come to an end, as they do, with the following statement. If I can just make you feel more secure, to live more satisfactorily to yourself, then all my love will not have been in vain. Oh, Darling, I hope I’ve made you feel better, but I fear it’s worse.