If the mood of yesterday’s letter from Dart was melancholy, today it is angst. He’s torn to shreds about the question of getting married in December. Yes! That’s what he desperately wants, but only because he is sick and tired of being apart from Dot, and that doesn’t seem like a good enough reason for him.
He reminds Dot that his folks are unaware that he’s shared so much of their family situation with her. He knows his parents “would never forgive me for undermining their pride” by telling her so much. He feels justified in doing so because a) he’s needed to talk it over with someone; b) she will be living under the same roof in either two, or eight, months; she is about to be part of that family he’s been telling her all about.
He mentions more than once “that thing they talked about one night at Sunapee.” He says his mother has told him not to fret about that, but he frets anyway. If I had to guess, I would say that he might have confessed to Dot his fear that he may be sterile, as a result of having the mumps while at Great Lakes Naval Hospital. Because he doesn’t elaborate in this letter, that is only conjecture, based on family lore and his state of mind in this letter.
“Whatever I say here (if I decide to say much) won’t be a final decision. It’ll be ‘thinking with a pen’ again.”
He takes a brief break from his stewing to express a couple of random thoughts: First, he stands corrected for opening his “big yap” about Dot and her mother. Second, he says that things are piling up awfully. He must make this decision and do his work. He may skip the fan trip on Sunday.
If there were an easy way for his parents to get to Greenwich for Christmas, he’d say they should, oh please, hurry up and get married then. But there isn’t any easy way and that makes the decision harder.
“Even if we could, now, plan on being married in December, I couldn’t hold up my end of expenses for a large wedding. (Either that, or we’d hitch-hike home!) That’s part of my conflict.”
Then he lists his conflicting forces: 1) No money 2) Doubt about that issue he mentioned at Sunapee 3) Desire to do whatever Dot wants, in the fulfillment of: 4) Getting married.
In the meantime, he believes Dot has a much more mature and secure view of the situation than he does. She doesn’t seem to be at all flustered or concerned – she simply seems to accept that they will make the right decision.
This is much more than he’d intended to write on the subject, and now he must just think about it. Above all, he doesn’t want his parents to think that they are the reason Dot and Dart aren’t getting married when they want to.
# # #
“Why didn’t we get married in September? I know there must have been several very good reasons, but when I get so terribly lonesome for you, none of them seem important enough to keep us apart any longer. …There was never anyone who has ever been missed as much as I miss you.”
She’s listening to a symphony concert now, which may be responsible for her mood. “Such music, to my mind, can get a mood or feeling across as well, or better, than many books about the same feeling or mood.”
She continues, saying that symphonic music can move her to tears because of all things beautiful; love, freedom of expression, and so many things. Hearing it makes her want to thank God for all the blessings she’s received. The tears she cries are tears of joy.
“Thank you for being all you are, Dart. I love you completely. It’s a privilege to know and love someone as much as I do you. It makes me feel humble and I shall never stop thanking God or you for being so good to me.”